Jeremy Paxman is a bit of a legend. I hesitate to use such a cliched description, but how else do you describe a man so hard-headedly self-assured? Pompous? Maybe. Arrogant? Probably. But you cannot fail to be awed by a man who tears politician after politician to shreds with a cool indifference that suggests all the while he is simply thinking of how best to facially express his utter disdain at being forced to converse with a mere mortal such as this. If 'The Moral High Ground' were an actual place, Paxman would be its Emperor. Click here for perhaps his most famous interview, then read my letter to Jeremy by clicking below...
DEAR JEREMY,
• YOU ARE MY HERO.
• I LIKE TO WATCH YOU ON THE TELEVISION DOING INTERVIEWS.
• SOMETIMES YOU APPEAR TO BE QUITE ANGRY.
• HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO PUNCH ONE OF YOUR INTERVIEWEES IN THE FACE?
• IF SO, WHO?
• I ALSO LIKE TO WATCH YOU ON UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE.
• SPEAKING OF WHICH, I HAVE A REQUEST.
• MY FLATMATES AND I ARE VERY BIG QUIZ/GAMESHOW FANS.
• RECENTLY WE HAVE TAKEN TO PLAYING ALONG TO GAMESHOWS, SUCH AS MILLION POUND DROP LIVE, ON TV.
• WE NOW WANT TO TAKE THIS A STEP FURTHER.
• IF YOU WILL AGREE TO IT, WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO HOST A PRIVATE GAME OF UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE FOR US.
• WE HAVE FOUND TEN WILLING PARTICIPANTS, EACH WILLING TO PUT UP £100 TO COVER YOUR EXPENSES, SO IT WOULD BE A NICE LITTLE EARNER FOR YOU (£100 x 10 = £1000 TOTAL).
• WE WOULD ALSO BE HAPPY TO COME TO YOU.
• PERHAPS YOU COULD SNEAK US ON TO THE SET OF UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE DURING THE LUNCH BREAK?
• OUR ONLY REQUEST WOULD BE THAT YOU ‘DUMB DOWN’ THE QUESTIONS SLIGHTLY.
• WHAT WE’RE AFTER IS PUB QUIZ TYPE QUESTIONS, EG. SPORT, FILM, GENERAL KNOWLEDGE.
• IN ESSENCE, YOU WOULD BE ACTING AS ‘LANDLORD’ OF A FICTITIOUS, YET FANTASTIC, ‘PUB’.
• DO YOU THINK YOU COULD CATER FOR OUR NEEDS?
ALL THE BEST JEREMY,
YOUR FAN,
JOE TROOP
PS. THIS LETTER HAS BEEN CAPITALISED, AND WRITTEN IN BULLET POINT FORMAT, AS AN HOMAGE TO YOUR DIRECT (SOME MIGHT SAY CONFRONTATIONAL) STYLE OF INTERVIEW.
