Dear John,
I would like to begin this letter to you by telling a story. I am fully aware that, on the surface, this seems an entirely inappropriate way to begin a letter. Truth be told John, I myself am unsure if it is appropriate, or even necessary, but I entreat you to bear with me.
The story I would like to tell is that of an angry fourteen-year-old boy, who fell in love with an equally angry punk rock band. That band was Propagandhi, and the boy loved them with all his heart. But as our young protagonist aged, like a fine wine, he became less angry.
Don’t get me wrong, he did still occasionally get angry, for example if he lost his wallet or missed the bus, but on the whole he mellowed with age. And this was a change reflected in his taste in music (Now that he was capable of feeling emotions besides anger, he needed to find music besides angry punk rock, to cater for these new emotions). Through your connection with Propagandhi John, he discovered The Weakerthans, who swiftly became his favourite band.
He would thumb through album sleeve notes memorising lyrics, lyrics which spoke to him to such a degree that, aged twenty, he would have the opening lines to ‘Confessions of a futon-revolutionist’ tattooed onto his left arm. The Weakerthans remain his favourite band to this very day…
And now I must come clean and confess to you that that angry young man was in fact me! Yes, John, that is the story of how you came to be bestowed with the title of ‘My Hero’! I can only hope you will forgive me for deceiving you in the previous three paragraphs with my use of a third person narrative! Anyhow, I really must get to the point, for by now you must be exceedingly curious as to why it is that I am writing to you.
I write to you John, firstly, to tell you how much I love your music and, secondly, with a request. As I mentioned previously, as a tribute to you and your music, I proudly sport a Weakerthans tattoo. And I am sure you will agree that such a gesture is deserving of recognition. Which is why I would like to request that for the next Weakerthans record you pen a song in tribute to me! If you could make sure that it was the best song on the album also, then that would be absolutely wonderful!
Should you need me to provide you with any further details about myself, for the purposes of lyrical subject matter, I would be more than happy to do so. But l also grant you artistic licence to just make it up if that’s what you would prefer? Either way, I eagerly await your reply, and look forward to hearing my song immensely!
Until then, all the best John,
Your Fan,
Joe Troop
