Nedum Onuoha.

In recent times Manchester City Football Club has had great success in promoting youngsters from the academy to the first team squad. And, tired cliche as it is, fans will always root for 'one of their own', a local lad come good, that little bit more. Nedum Onuoha is one of City's many academy graduates, and one of the only remaining players in the squad to have any real connection to the area. Having been in and around the first team for several years now, an influx of defensive talent has seen Nedum knocked down the pecking order, and this year he was sent out on loan to Sunderland. And so I thought I'd send him a letter to see how he was getting on...




Dear Nedum,

I hope that you won’t mind terribly if I begin by asking how you are enjoying your time in Sunderland so far? I must confess I have never been to the North East, but I did once watch Billy Elliot, and it looked a drab and depressing place. Have you found it has improved at all since then?

As a Manchester City fan, I was genuinely dismayed with the club’s decision to allow you to leave on loan, and I hope that your displays this season will demonstrate to Roberto Mancini what I am already convinced of, that you are the most natural defender currently on the books at City. Could you perhaps have a word with Steve Bruce and ask if he wouldn’t mind swapping you back for Micah Richards? I’m sure Roberto would agree to it, having had a touchline view of Micah’s performances so far this season.

However, I did not write with the intention of discussing with you the relative worth of Micah Richards (how easily I allow myself to be sidetracked!), I write to you, Nedum, with a request.

For years now I have pondered to myself about the gap in talent between a Premier League footballer and your average bloke having a kick around in the street. You see, I have always thought of myself as a jack-of-all-trades, and am quietly confident I would do a decent days work if thrown in the deep end at any job, including the job of being a footballer. I probably wouldn’t be named man of the match, but I damn sure wouldn’t let anybody down!

With your help, I would like to put this theory to the test. If possible, I would like to organise a 5-a-side game, with the teams comprising of you and I, and a few other professionals. I’ll leave it up to you to recruit the others, City players would be preferable though I will accept the inclusion of the odd Sunderland player. Except Anton 'Soulja Boy' Ferdinand.

Though I understand that such an undertaking will take time to organise, and so will not expect a reply immediately, I await confirmation of the fixture with great excitement.

All the best Nedum,

Your Fan,

Joe Troop.

Ps. I am aware that you are a very well educated man (I actually attended Xaverian College in Manchester at the same time as you), and was hoping you may be able to help me with one more thing. Though I study English at university, I often struggle with how to correctly deploy a semi-colon; for example, would this be considered correct usage?